Yesterday

Yesterday

My job has variable hours. Sometimes I have to be there so early that I say " I had to get up yesterday to be here today" The same goes for certain events in (my) life. Sometimes I come into work and my mind is still stuck on something that happened the night before. Not until I hash it over again with my friend at work am I able to disconnect from it emotionally and put it down, leaving it in the yesterday. The harder thing to do is actually recognizing old response patterns in oneself and making that cognizant effort to change oneself in the moment. Not reacting in the inefficient manner from previous encounters, but remaining fresh in the moment and fresh to the person regardless of how much the happening situation raises up any emotionally associated behavior from the past. Therefore recreating the same event that left one squirming in discomfort before. For example I would get that instant feeling of terror, feeling frozen on the spot, when an adult male would yell at me in anger. Obviously a remnant from my childhood reaction when my father would express his anger. It took me a long time to work through that and not have that specific response any more. I had to first relinquish the emotional attachment to that sort of behavior and become aware that that particular conduct had nothing to do with me and everything to do with how that person expresses their beingness. Now I have a neutral stance to anyone acting that way around me.