Sanctuary

I am an immigrant. Ever since I was a little girl I knew in my heart of hearts that I would come to this country. Part of the reason of my immigration is the given escape. Anyone leaving everything familiar behind is trying to get away from what will be inescapable in the end. For me, growing up was chaotic and unstructured. And then to have to turn around and face a lifetime of the bourgeoisie…

I simply couldn't do that. There’s this left over bohemian pulse inside of me from a time long forgotten that entices me into *Sehnsucht.

The funny thing about me coming over here is that it landed me right into the jaws of everything I was attempting to escape. I worked so hard at establishing my independence. Earning a valued educational degree, working in a field that has a continued prospective future, all the time failing to realize that I became everything that abhorred me in my youth.

Through grace I broke down in stages. If I would have had to see my life for what it had become all at once, I would have likely ended up in an asylum. Instead God gently peeled back layer after layer of this caked on farce to graciously remind me who I truly am. I don't think I will ever quite completely jump the hamster wheel. I have many ties that will hold me to my long established obligations. After all, I didn't come here (into existence) for myself. But I finally have that peace of mind that comes with knowing ones purpose.

*Sehnsucht represents thoughts and feelings about all facets of life that are unfinished or imperfect, paired with a yearning for ideal alternative experiences. It has been referred to as “life’s longings”; or an individual’s search for happiness while coping with the reality of unattainable wishes