Keeping Company

Maybe it's because I'm the youngest of four and I always felt I had to vie for my parents attention. Maybe it's because from a young age I was criticized and ridiculed. Whatever the reasons, it took me way too long to settle into my own skin and become comfortable with myself.

It took shattering who I believed I was. I had to come to the end of the road of my self-deception to start crawling through the mud of my self-realization. The question that poses itself onto each of us to acknowledge who we are, is different for each individual. For me it was facing the fact that no matter where I am, no matter where I will be, there I am. Including when I cease to exist in my current form and move on to another existence. So I best get comfortable with myself for I have nothing but eternity to spend with myself.

The odd thing has been that I actually have encountered people that seemed to be comfortable with me, no matter how briefly, before I learned to become comfortable with myself. They simply just wanted me in their presence. Simply just wanted me to be. Not requiring me to do anything to be worthy to take up their time. Enjoying my company for the sake of itself without needing or wanting anything beyond that. I had to learn to see myself through others eyes. Eyes that saw me for who I truly am, to fall in love with my eternal spirit the way they did with such ease.