Leaving it in the bucket

Recently I made the statement that I decided to not “need” anymore. In light of this being the year of changes and new beginnings, I have made the conscious decision to not give in to “needing” anymore. I’m chucking it in the f*&k it bucket. Needing people to be this and that. Needing someone or something else to fill something. Needing things to be a certain way. Needing. Needing. Needing. Get it?

Not an easy task. Not for anyone. Not for me by a long shot. I have been buried in the swamp of my own subconscious choices my whole life time and coming out of it can still be very overwhelming, confusing and scary. Needing to go back to what I am accustomed to simply because of its familiarity. Not because its any good for me. But I am holding strong.

I still have those feelings come up, those familiar feelings of “if onlys”, tempting me to fall right back into unhealthy patterns. No more. It is actually getting easier each time they arise in me. The interwoven knowledge of where it would lead if I chose to cave in to those feelings have helped me stay my course. It’s like an old friend, whom I have outgrown, knocking on the door. And I kindly decline the invite. It’s not leading anywhere. Period. Let alone going anywhere I choose to be.