A Love Letter

And so he arrived. Uninvited. Sent here from the heavens not just for his personal mission. Sent here to recover what was left of my crumbling spirit that slowly had caved in from all the imagined burdens carried on my worn shoulders. Worn from turning my back onto myself, therefore blinding me to who I am.

There were never any burdens to carry for me. It was my twisted outlook on life and love, that dug myself into a hole that seemed to have no way out. He announced his arrival to others before I received the notice myself. Obviously to occupied with imaginary problems. Tied up in the temporary existence of life here instead of thriving in my spiritual evolution. I couldn’t deny his arrival any longer when I peed positive on the pregnancy test.

And then I cried. Inconsolably. The last dig of my heavy shovel that appeared to cave in all my walls. Now what? It took weeks of conversation with myself. With the one I always end up turning to when I have lost myself in the outer world. Not because I had been that spiritually guided all my Life. No, more so that it must be that all rugs have to be pulled out from underneath my footing to wake me up again and again in this Life.

Torn can’t describe the state I was in for weeks to either follow the dark path or follow the light. And Life. The only thing I had to hold onto for sanity was the eternal hope that he was indeed sent here from the heavens for reasons beyond anyone’s knowledge. Including his own knowledge of why he would come into existence the way he did.

Besides the 9 months of repeated dialogue on evaluating my life and what path I wanted to choose from this point forward, the pregnancy was uneventful. His birth went smooth with the carefully pre-planned medical team there for his arrival. He arrived December 16, finishing out the year and leaving the past with a prospective look into the future. I can only say that having him here in his overpowering physical presence has guided my decisions on a continued path that not so much teaches him, for he has his own lesson plan to master, but teaches me.