The Art of unpacking

I’m not a life coach. I’m not a therapist nor a counselor. I am just truly intrigued with relationships of any sort. Not just romantic ones. Familial relations, friendships, work relations or how we relate to complete strangers.

Here’s the thing I noticed about people. And their ability or willingness to relate to another. People like to carry the weight of their past with them in relationship, no matter how heavy the burden or how cumbersome it will make each consequent relationship.

Have you ever gone on a trip? It could be just a day trip. It doesn’t have to be an extensive vacation. And you pack up all the necessities you need. Most likely overpacking, no matter how short of an excursion you undertake, for those “just in case” scenarios. But once you come home, you unpack everything. I mean everything. Throwing out what’s not of use anymore. Putting away the things you only needed for the trip but are still in good enough shape for another use. So next time you go somewhere you start off with a completely empty bag or suitcase to pack. And you will only pack what you need for that particular trip. Maybe last time you went to the beach and you had swim shorts and sun screen and snorkels in your bag. This time you are going up north and you need warm clothes and boots and something to keep your head warm. You would not waste the space in your luggage for anything you would need for the beach…get it?

So why do we have the habit of carrying all this crap around with us that we most definitely do not need in new relationships? Heck, even in old and well worn relationships. Carrying all the resentments and hurts of the past into an unknown future just to repeat the same “mistakes” or more so, repeating habits from the past that we should have shed when we realized they were not working for us.

I am learning myself to start each journey of relationship as lightly packed as possible, carrying with me only the essential tools of making common sense decisions down the line. Allowing the other and myself to follow the course of the relationship without running it into the ground from unhealthy habits of the past.