Keep the Crown, I prefer to hold your hand

This has followed me ever since I turned from a child into a woman. Maybe it was even present in my childhood, but I was much too unaware of this phenomena back then. People have a tendency to formulate me into their fantasy world. As in, they meet me, and for whatever reasons are almost awe struck at times. I have had women tell me that they have a girl crush on me. Which is a huge compliment of course, but nevertheless, I am not the illusion they see when they are under that spell.

Maybe it has happened to any of you before where you were “star struck” of sorts by someone. And only when you have the opportunity to actually get to know the person that you are so awed by, will you loose the illusion and know them on the level that was intended for human connection. Which is soul to soul, body to body, human fallacy to human fallacy.

So lately there seems to be an increased public announcing of women desiring to be either someone’s queen or describing themselves as a goddess. Which is fine with me. Remember my motto, to each its own. Do what gets you through this life. Your life. But it definitely is not for me. I don’t want to be someone’s queen nor a goddess of sorts.

So when I encounter people who seem to be awestruck by me, for whatever reasons, but in essence it only reflects what they believe and the world they live in. Looking at me like I couldn’t possible do anything wrong. Until I stumble and fall. And then they realize that the glitter and glory they put on me through their eyes has fallen off and I am just as human and just as fallible as they are. Some people want to continue holding on to their illusion and they help me back up, dusting my knees off and straightening out the crown they chose to put on my head. Their illusion is more important to them than the human being I am. Again, whatever floats your boat, you may continue looking upon me any way you please, but you won’t come beyond that line that you conjured up with your mental imagine of my “awesomeness”.

But I have had people who, once they saw me fall, also come to my aid, also dusting off my knees and making sure that I am okay. But instead of straightening out that imaginary crown they had placed on my head, they embrace me with such a surprise of “ I am so glad that you are just as human as I am”. And that’s when the real falling in love begins. Seeing me as I am, not the fantasy they were holding onto, seeing me on the same human level as they are.

Those people who have actually fallen in love me for the equal that I am to them, those people are allowed to see me on an even more humane level. Those are the people who are allowed to see me falter and fail. Not just stumble and fall. But fail in my endeavors on this planet. They will see me in my “weakness”. Some are not able to handle that. They want to be in love with the equality of humanity we share, but they are not able to handle the harsh truths of their own shortcomings, therefore will not be able to reach down and pull me up when the time comes of my shortcomings to be exposed.

The very few people who do, not just reach down to pull me up, but kneel down at my side and stop their own journey and their own busy-ness. Until we stand together and I can take a step forward again. Those are the people who love me. They are not just in love with me. They see beyond our equality as humans and have faced their own imperfections. Allowing them to love themselves to the depth of overcoming these imperfections and therefore love me as deeply as they love themselves. Without abandon.

And those are the people I want in my life. Not the ones who polish my crown or admire me for something I am not. But the ones who are willing to hold my hand.