Verhältnisse

My ex-mother-in-law is coming to stay with me. For a couple months or so. A temporary engagement that works with the for now decisions having been made on her behalf by her family members. Which includes my ex-husband.

My ex-mother-in-law has early Alzheimer’s. She’s worked all her life as a nurse, putting in a couple of extra years to her allotted retirement age so she would get a handful more dollars in her monthly pension. The plan definitely did not include to succumb to forgetfulness and not being able to live independently so shortly after retirement. She’s lived by herself ever since her marriage fell apart way before I even came to this country. She’s a kooky lady to me. Always has been. Her ways and my way of being are so vastly different that I might has well have come from another planet instead of simply from another country. Initially I think we both made attempts to be in good relations to one another. But being strong-headed on her part and me being a free spirit, it really just became hard to even remain civil at times. Even when I was still married to her son. Or should I say more so when I was married to him. I’m not quite sure on that, and I don’t think it matters.

Here’s the situation. Her son is not willing to put her up somewhere at this time, wanting to allow her to live as independent as possible with supervision. So she is living between her sisters in another state part of the year, and the other parts with him. Now living with him turns out to be my place for the time being since he has limited space to accommodate her. So since my ex-mother-in-law and I are on unsteady relation, why would I agree to her staying in my small apartment?

With all the history between us, there has been one consistent tone. One of mutual respect. I don’t agree with some of the choices she has made and I can assure you, neither does she of the choices I have made. But out of mutual respect and out of looking at the bigger picture at times, we both have had interactions with one another based solely for the better of others. Which would mainly mean her grandchildren involved. She went as far as to allow me to crash at her place, sleeping there during the day after working nightshift, as I still worked in the same state she was living in while waiting to move to the state I currently reside. Not only that. She had that much grace and humility that she allowed me to do so while carrying a child not conceived by her son. (I had long been divorced from her son at that time). So there is really nothing more to add to that. With all of our differences and disagreements we have managed to deal with one another spaciously enough to allow the room it takes for the better good to take place.

This is really not a matter of repaying her. I’m truly not about that sort of mindset. This is a simply a matter of honoring her on her humility and grace.

Translations of Verhältnis: ratio, proportion, relationship, relations, affair, liaison, rapport, love affair