Becoming undefeated

I currently have a job that is fear-driven. Within a profession that is fear-driven. Witin the fear-driven society I am part of. Now you can say what you want, and I am aware that there are other professions and jobs that contain much less of a fear factor than the one I am in, but we are surrounded by fear-driven individuals. It’s been the most challenging thing for me to disengage from.

Challenging, partly because fear has been instilled in me as a child, but much more so because of the enormous amount of individual fear building into communal fear. No matter what brave soul you may be, once you are surrounded by communal fear, it will crash over you like a rogue wave and at times, all you can do is start paddling frantically just to keep your head above the roaring wave of what’s coming at you. Knowing where I came from, I have made tremendous strides in not giving into fear. And with the recognition of what it is, and with the knowledge of what I have overcome, it does get easier to stay in my still point and not swing with the direction the surrounding fear is trying to pull me.

But once it strikes me, it’s like being the tuning fork and the only vibration I can send off is the only one I have been struck with. Becoming part of that wave that takes over anything else. Any rational thinking gets tossed under that vibration of fear until I can come back up and regain my clear-headedness of what is really going on. I had one of those moments this week, when all I could do was utter “ Oh shit!” as I was struck with this fear reverberating into my core. Drawing in a deep breath, I had to allow myself to acknowledge fear overcoming me, just to bring myself back into my senses. Into my balance. While everyone around me was still running with it.

I despise that we are all so fear-driven. There are as many variations of fear as there are individuals giving into fear. In my work environment there is the individual fear of getting fired, fear of screwing up in such a way that harm is done, fear of losing respect that one worked so hard to “earn”, fear of being looked upon as “less than”. All sorts of fears, and if one gets set off, each individual’s fear turns into this massive mixed fear of survivalism. It’s a domino effect. I have seen that “being struck by fear” look in so many eyes. And felt it myself almost just as often.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Which is easier said than done. Especially when it pounces on us unannounced, it’s a bit harder to shake off and face. I always tell myself “what’s the worst case scenario” that can happen and realize with the answer to that, that it is something that can be overcome or lived with. What I can not live with anymore is fear itself.