Time after Time

I used to have this obsession with time. Always running out of time of sorts. Not having enough time for anything. That sensation of knowing that a door is closing and me not being okay with it. Now, time doesn’t rush anyone, we rush ourselves. Just as time does not wait for anyone.

As a child, I always had Damocles’ sword hanging over my head for one reason or another. People around me rushing me along, not caring if something was done completely or even correctly. Then as a young woman, I set myself deadlines. Deadlines I had no right to set because they were not mine to set or to meet. Until time after time, running out of those deadlines, I realized what I was doing. And I realized that I was setting dates to something that could possibly not expire. I had to figure out my reason for coming here to understand that. People call it life lessons, or spiritual advancement or ascending to a higher frequency. Whatever you want to call it, these things do not come with an expiration date. They seem to come with a repeat pattern though. As we grasp the basic understanding of one lesson or concept, with the next cycle around, we will be taught more intricate knowledge about that lesson and how to build on it.

I am surrounded by time pushers. It’s like watching people push a river. I don’t think people like pushing time around but they are so trapped in the illusion of controlling something that is out of our hands. Yes, I get the short term concept of palpable, measurable time, that things have to be done within a certain time frame or they won’t happen. Seeds have to be planted and tended to within a certain time frame to grow, as the harvest must be collected within a certain time frame or it will rot and seemingly go to waste. But sometimes, those seeds are never meant to germinate and grow into anything. Just as not all fruits of your labor are to be enjoyed. It does not mean that any of it is going to waste. It simply means that it is contributing to the circle of life, the circle of your life, in ways that you can not see yet.