Bi-polar or loving the yang in my yin

People would have considered me to be a tomboy when I was a child. I will tell anyone who listens that I grew up barefoot and topless. I didn't know I was a girl until I turned 11 and my boobs came in. But I wasn't a tomboy, I was a tagalong, shoved around between where I wasn't wanted. I was just a child, exploring my environment. When I tagged along with my sister, I was made to be the knight or the noble steed to her and her girlfriends playing the princesses. When I tagged along with my brothers, I just did what all the boys were doing. I wasn’t specifically singled out as the female among all boys playing together.

Embracing my feminine side appeared to have its challenges for me.

But here’s the thing.

“The masculine is sovereignty, the crown upon your soul. Femininity is humility and unconditional love, the heart within the breast of your soul and together they make the whole soul essence.”~St. Germain

Sovereignty is understood in jurisprudence [theory of law] as the full right and power of a governing body to govern itself without any interference from outside sources or bodies.

As a young adult I was definitely occupied with appearing to be more feminine as it is being sold to us by the media. I wouldn’t call it a struggle, but it has always been something that I simply don’t give a rat’s ass about. There are so many other things that I am passionate about that have absolutely nothing to do with the appearance or presentation of being feminine. This is not about my, or for that matter anyone’s, sexuality by the way.

This is about coming to the realization that I have always been feminine. Energies attributed to the feminine include tranquility, receptivity, intuition, surrender, silence, nurturance. Born a female, those are the sorts of attributes drilled into us to this day. I had to become comfortable with embracing my masculine energies, which include impatience, controlling, aggression, rushing, busy, individuality.

Now that I have accepted those masculine energies within me, I am working on not having my sovereignty thrown off. It is well within my right to express both my feminine and masculine energies as the whole of my essence without any outside source “telling” me what I should be like as a female.