What's on your plate?

It's not easy for me. To let go of expectations. Not so much expectations, much more a set standard. I wear many hats and each hat comes with its own standards. Here's one I definitely have a set standard for. I work as a nurse. My standard expectations for nurses are higher than anything else in the healthcare profession. A doctor may be a quack. A paramedic may not know what he or she is doing. But don't let it be a nurse who doesn't apply critical thinking and doesn't have compassion to care for patients. I won't even allow that nurse to put a bandaid on a paper cut on my finger. Yes, I do judge. Harshly. Despite being informed not to judge. The judgment I use enforces my boundaries to help ensure the safety of myself and the ones I am here to look out for.

Once I have judged you to fall beneath my standards, I have zero inclination to have you around me. When I was married with young children, especially after my son's arrival who requires care around the clock, the only other person available to me for support besides my children's father, failed to show up to my expected standard. Being alone in the country, I don't have family to fall back on. I know that to be true even of people who do have family. My then mother-in-law could not overcome herself, her beliefs and in my eyes, her selfishness to step up to the plate. As a woman and a mother herself, having lived through things, she was fully able to recognize what was needed, yet she failed to step up to the plate. That is why there is such a disconnect between me and her. What I do now for her due to her circumstances, is out of respect for the things she was able to overcome to reach out to me long after I fell out with her. I guess it was her attempt to make up for things she should have done when she was my mother-in-law.

I have no problems cutting people off. I don't owe anyone anything. People owe themselves to show up as a decent human being. To have a set standard for themselves and live up to that. I cut off the entire biological side of my infamous Jungle Boy for that exact same reason. His biological father, for whatever reason, is incompetent to be a positive contribution to Jungle Boy's life. It's not any child's responsibility to put up with whatever his or her parents go through for them to get their shit together to be a decent parent. I don't believe in that natural, biological bond bullshit the courts feed you to leave children in horrid situations. Unprotected. Ask anyone who works in any system that deals with children. Be it healthcare, schools, social work etc.

So as a woman, and a mother, I would have allowed Jungle Boy's paternal biological grandmother to be a part of his life. Yet she failed to show up to my set standards and showed what she was about before he was even born. To make a long story short, she demanded that I support her financially. With my refusal, I was informed that I was not welcome at her house. She was clearly unaware of the consequences of her behavior. She has never seen her biological grandson despite begging and pleading for forgiveness. There is nothing to forgive. She showed that she sucks at having any standards and that she is about nothing but herself. Falling into the same category as her son, being unwilling to contribute to Jungle Boy's life in a decent fashion. Now there are legal measures in place that terminated any rights.

So yes, I judge. Harshly. I don't have any regrets about cutting people out of my life, out of my children's life, who are unwilling to step up to the plate and contribute to maintaining a set standard. A standard that is conducive to all parties involved. I'm not talking about asking for hand outs. I expect the people in my life to step up to the plate of the responsibilities that come with being a decent human being. If you have it in you or not, will show out soon enough.