Plowing barren fields or what does it take for you to move on?

When I was growing up, there were no good relationship models. Maybe it was the era. Maybe it was the country. I’m not sure. If you have followed my blog, you know that I come from a dysfunctional family with my parents being in an absolute destructive, co-dependent and toxic relationship. Horrid models to believe that there is any healthy way of relating to another. But besides my parents, I was aware of other couples, whose relationships did not make any sense to me whatsoever. Longstanding years of staying in a relationship that didn’t yield anything but pain, disappointment and constant wounding. I would assume it was because of the stigma of divorce, not wanting to let others see what is behind the facade of being married for decades, lovelessly. And of course the illusion of security. Financial and material stability. I guess selling your soul is worth some shabby existence to some.

Even after I grew up, as an adult, I have encountered countless people who stay in relationships that do not yield anything. Maybe there was love once. But not anymore. The majority of people will actually tell you to your face that the only reason they are staying is because it is financially cheaper. Or there is some other benefit gained such as insurance or retirement or property. Then there are the people who have agreements with their spouses in regards to being able to have outside relationships without interrupting the benefits of remaining in the marriage. I’m sure for others, there are also religious reasons involved in their illogical decision. I know of couples, who are not necessarily in toxic relationships but in dead ones. Devoid of anything that would foster love. The utter emptiness of the relationships blows my mind.

I am fully aware that relationships have ups and downs. I am fully aware that being in love and loving someone are separate things. Love is what we are. People just don’t allow themselves to be that. If you know that you are love, you wouldn’t go asking for it from others. Being in love to me constitutes loving someone for what they are when they are with you. Loving someone to me constitutes loving them for what they are period. I know it’s not easy walking away from a relationship. It took me a long time to make the decision to end my marriage. It was for that same reason. It stopped yielding anything. Making that decision saved my friendship with my ex-husband. To this day, I want him to be at peace, and I take our friendship into consideration in my life, as I do with any of my friends. It was the much more logical decision to make. To end a relationship that had outlived its purpose and turn it into a friendship that serves a purpose and has helped both us grow into who we are today.