There will never be another you

He had been watching them for weeks. Fascinated by their shared experience of being alive, when on the surface it appeared they had nothing at all in common. Different nationalities, different languages, different cultures. Different jobs, different ways of life. The one thing that stood out, was what they both indulged in. Their addiction to cigarettes they freely smoked throughout the course of the day. As the older one would come out to smoke, the younger one appeared not too far behind. Surely, the sound of the sliding door was a signal for the younger one to follow suit and come outside on his porch to smoke too. The conversations were always engaging. Lively hand gestures, laughter, and the joy of being in the company of someone one truly enjoys came through with each encounter he witnessed. He could never hear the words spoken, he was too far away for that. But that didn't take away from observing their shared humanity. It may have even added to it. He could just pretend to know what they were talking about. Great philosophical theories, gossip or banalities of the day. Did it really matter? He wasn't sure. Not any more. He had always wanted to feel special. He had always wanted to be with someone who would solely adore him. His jealousy of any of his lovers paying attention to anyone else had driven every single one of them away. It wasn't fear of being cheated on, it was his incapacity to not constantly compare himself and therefore making himself feel less than. There was no amount of attention that could be showered on him to not make him feel that way. It was his last lover who opened his eyes to that. "Do you enjoy your life? Do you enjoy being alive? How can you if you constantly think that others are better than you? Aren't you tired of fighting yourself everyday to be something you are not? Just look at the diversity God created. That is so YOU stand out. Stop trying to measure yourself up, love the people who are different than you, love them for what they are, that is the only reason we each are special in our own way. I hope you realize that for your own sake before it's too late." And with that he walked out. He always thought about those words when he watched them smoke together, enjoying their company in the moment. It didn't take away anything from whomever was inside their respective living quarters. He finally understood, that if anything, it only added to their lives. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

a beautiful milieu 

https://youtu.be/A_omszhwEAw