Wide open

She sat down to take a break. It had been a long morning for her already, even though she had only been up for a couple of hours. She took a sip of her coffee that had gone cold. How could it be cold when she just poured it? But time had no concept on mornings like this. For all she knew, that cup of coffee could have been poured yesterday. She sighed and looked around. There were toys all over the floor, children's books strewn down the hallway and she could hear their voices coming out of their room. In just a short minute, the youngest came flying into the living room, squealing. The older one was hot on her heels. "We are hungry" he demanded. It didn't surprise her to hear those words, even though she hadn't even cleared the breakfast dishes off the table. She just shook her head and said "what would you like? It's not going to be a meal since you just had breakfast". He grinned sheepishly ear to ear and replied "brownies". Of course he would say that. She couldn't keep anything sweet in the house without him knowing about it. She made the motion to uncross her legs in order to get up, but the youngest one stopped her. "Wait mami, look" as the little one began picking something off the sole of her foot. She couldn't feel it at first. Since it wasn't part of her body, it felt strange, but painless. Then there was the sensation of something being peeled back, the weird feeling of becoming exposed. Her skin on the bottom of her feet was surprisingly sensitive and felt strangely raw right on that spot where the little one managed to peel off a child's sticker. It couldn't have been there too long, they had just opened the sticker pack for the little one to play with, the night before. She sat there for what felt like a long time, trying to absorb that sensation. It stirred something inside her. It reminded her of how it felt, how she felt, when she finally gave up a persona she had been groomed to be since childhood. Like taking off a glove and touching life for the first time in all its g(l)ory rawness. Giving herself permission to be acutely in pain over those things that disagreed with her soul, instead of keeping herself numb with that false persona that she had worn like an astronaut suit. She wasn't a stranger to this planet. There was no need to shield herself, protecting what needed no protection. In order for her to live a life that allowed her to grow and mature, ripening her into her splendid soulfulness, she had to toss most everything that she had learned. The gross distortions about life, passed onto her before she could think for herself. 

That had stuck to her like a chewed up wad of bubbling gum spat on her, plastered onto her with such force, not to help mold, but to place a near unbreakable cast over what she was born to become. She reached down to the bottom of her foot and picked off the last bit of sticker the little one hadn't been able to get. She wiggled her toes, then gently rubbed her fingertips over that spot to allow her body to focus on a different sensation...and memory. "Brownies, ma, where are my brownies?" She heard her boy yelling from his room. Grateful to be jolted back into this adventure called her life by her boy's craving for sweets, she got up, letting her naked feet feel every step she took on solid ground. 

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a beautiful milieu 

Image Vignesh Snaper

https://www.instagram.com/vignesh_snaper/