Surrenderance

I gently took her hand and placed it in mine. Palm up. I traced the lines inside her hand, slowly, barely touching one third of her hand. It was impossible to trace all the lines because her hand was partially contracted. Gnarled into a semi-fist of uselessness. It wasn't painful for her, I'm not sure it ever was. There were hard, rope-like scars near the edge of her hand. Ungiving. Unforgiving. She gave me a toothless smile. Her dentures had already been removed from her mouth. There was a soft twinkle in her blueish eyes. I couldn't tell if it was mischief or pleasant confusion but I couldn't help but smile back at her. "Do you remember what happened to your hand?" I asked. She looked at me and simply said "nothing". Maybe she was confused, I thought, how could a hand end up permanently curled into a half fist without some kind of trauma or underlying disease. "Alright" I almost drawled out the word into a complete sentence. She smiled even bigger. "What happened that your hand is of no use to you? " I asked. "Oh, that " she replied. I turned my head as if to say "what do you mean 'oh, that' ". I surely knew having only one hand to use must be at a minimum a noticeable inconvenience, especially if both hands had some use before. "Yeah, that" I said "you can't do anything with this hand". "I know" she replied and just kept smiling. I wondered if she would ever tell me about her hand. "So..?" I said. "Well, it's nothing what you would think" she answered. Her eyes drifted off. I sat there, silently, holding her hand in mine. I had stopped tracing the lines. I couldn't tell if she was aware that her hand was being held. She turned her head to look at me again. Her eyes were still blank as she began to speak. "You see, not everything has a logical explanation. In my younger years I tried to be in control of everything. Outcomes, people, I needed to be in charge of things. I held on to very tight reigns, afraid of what would come at me if I let go. I couldn't release my grip on what I believed life is suppossed to be like. Of course, holding on like that, I was never able to receive. Anything. How could I, my hand was already full. Until one day I woke up to the fact that everything I tried to hold onto had escaped me. Literally and figuratively. I was so heartbroken that I sought counseling. But even with all that my heart barely healed. It was not until I accepted Providence into my life that I was able to return to living life. As the mystery of life would have it, I have been stuck with this hand ever since. So it is what I told you the first time.. nothing happened to my hand." And with that, her eyes had that mischievous twinkle again. I couldn't think of anything to say. She smiled with the knowledge of having planted another seed of faith. "Go on now, get" she said " I want to go to sleep and you're holding me up". She closed her eyes, and did just that. I let go of her hand but not of her wisdom. ~•~•~•~•~• a beautiful milieu Image in search of artist