Tune up

"and there are all those things that hold you back... and it's the past..., and the fear..., and the uncertainty. and you've been chained to your useless shit way too long. but what if you reconstruct those chains, reinvent your self, and allow all that shit to pour out of your tired heart."~Glen Martin Taylor I tripped. Again. A slow stumble. I immediately caught myself. Whoa. There it was. That icky shit. Slow down. Breathe. Look at myself. Nothing happened. Nothing changed. It's the aftertaste of a lifelong habit of dismissing myself, regurgitating back up into my heart. I automatically reach up and touch my chest. Breathe. Slowly. I'm probing myself with my perfectly tuned sensors. I can't tell you all the shit it takes to get in tune. There's no staying in tune. It's a constant retuning and fine tuning. Now that I know what I want to feel like. I sense deeper into me. I don't feel any restrictions. Not that familiar tiny squeeze in my heart. Everything stayed soft the whole time I tripped up on that useless shit. I smile to myself. I am still and always will be holy. The day moves forward. I focus on what's in front of me. It gets later in the day, things settle down enough to kick up my feet. And for my mind to kick back in, prodding me: "Don't you want to dabble on that? Don't you want to indulge yourself a little in paranoid obsession, wallowing in pity and that bitter sense of abandonment?" And I feel myself again. Still soft. Still breathing effortlessly. "Nah, I'm good. I don't want none of that shit." I love feeling soft. I love being able to breathe easily. Complete Inhales, complete Exhales, with nothing restricting, tightening, hardening or suffocating this tender heart that loves love and loves to love. I realize I can take what tripped me earlier today and spin it into a monstrosity. Or I can just take it for what it is. Or I can even see it from a whole different point of view. "There's 7.5 billion points of views to choose from", I tell myself. My mind shuts up with that thought. Thats enough finetuning for one day. ~•~ a beautiful milieu Art Elizabeth Chapman http://elizabethchapman.com/