Change your theme

I knew it years ago. Not only did I need a change, I actually wanted a change. I simply could not proceed with my approach to life and keep pretending I’m okay with the way life was going. In fact, I wasn’t at all in agreement with how things were going for me. I held so much resentment within that was scantily covered with sarcasm and complacency. I kept following along with “how it should be”. Accumulating more and more misery on top of my unprocessed past. It takes one small step to start the journey of a thousand miles. I had absolutely no inkling that years would pass for me to be able to actually not only see that I was heading in the direction I needed to be, but to also finally feel it. If you looked at my life, nothing much has indeed changed superficially. It’s really hard to comprehend the huge shift away from what I used to be to what I am without having an outer success story to share. The rags to riches tale or the ugly duckling tale, you know? Exactly those tales that completely diverted me from where I should have began decades ago. But I wasn’t ready to turn away from those deeply societal beliefs on what life should be. I would have laughed in the face of what I now cherish. I wished I could dish out some helpful advice to anyone who feels the way I felt about my life. But I can’t. Each one of us has to go through our more or less arduous process of getting a foothold on what it is we want life to be. It is not for me or anyone to dictate the definition of those heavily weighted things such as happiness and success. What I can share though is that it really all started with the unrelenting sense that I didn’t want to “do this” anymore. What that “this” was for me is what took all those years to surface. It was and is by conscious choices, through rejection and acceptance, that I am retuning my being-ness, not (my) life, into a theme that I have no qualms taking with me to whatever there may be after death. ~•~ a beautiful milieu art Heike K